A girl I made internet weirdy friends with on a wedding planning forum has just messaged me to say she is pregnant, she was actively trying for 2 months and even knows the lingo (and knows that I am having IVF treatment, one of the few people who do). Hearing her say that she has her BFP made my stomach lurch. All the usual questions we infertiles think came into my head, "Why not me, why does she find it so easy?" blah blah blah. I bore myself with my own predictability, I have no control, I can't help it. Oh, I also found out today that 3 of my colleagues are pregnant. I really hate finding out such news, my reaction is immediate and physical- I just feel sick.
A summary of my treatment so far: am on day 19 of DR, will be going in for a baseline scan tomorrow to see if my ovaries are quiet and I can begin stimms. If that is the case then I can start tomorrow. I was feeling positive until I got the news above. I am a very jealous person and really wish I wasn't. It's not a nice attribute.
Tuesday 29 November 2011
Thursday 17 November 2011
Day 7 of DR- Turning into a fatty
Still getting my husband to inject. It's a good job too, I forgot yesterday and would have gone to work without taking it but the Mr said, "Errr aren't you forgetting something?"
I was worrying about the fact that I have no side effects from the DR drugs, i.e. it's not working. Have googled it rather a lot and seen that plenty of other ladies didn't get symptoms either. I must be one of the lucky ones (well we'll see in 12 days won't we).
I have changed my diet. I have discovered that I have not been eating enough protein most of the time. I thought I had as I have always prided myself on eating a balanced vegetarian diet, but it turns out that the foods I eat for protein don't have as much as I thought. If you eat meat it's easy, in fact most meat eaters eat too much. I have started taking protein powder (twice a day in hot chocolate or Ovaltine), eating 2 yoghurts a day, eating fake meat (which I never liked doing, much prefer lentils and beans), eating pumpkin seeds (rich in iron as well as protein) and dates (to avoid constipation as warned by a fellow cycler). I am sure you can see where this is going. In the space of 1 week I have gained 3 lbs (insert shocked face emoticon here). If this continues I will be a big fatty in no time at all.
I need to re-think diet again, maybe less bread? On the upside, I am never hungry!
I was worrying about the fact that I have no side effects from the DR drugs, i.e. it's not working. Have googled it rather a lot and seen that plenty of other ladies didn't get symptoms either. I must be one of the lucky ones (well we'll see in 12 days won't we).
I have changed my diet. I have discovered that I have not been eating enough protein most of the time. I thought I had as I have always prided myself on eating a balanced vegetarian diet, but it turns out that the foods I eat for protein don't have as much as I thought. If you eat meat it's easy, in fact most meat eaters eat too much. I have started taking protein powder (twice a day in hot chocolate or Ovaltine), eating 2 yoghurts a day, eating fake meat (which I never liked doing, much prefer lentils and beans), eating pumpkin seeds (rich in iron as well as protein) and dates (to avoid constipation as warned by a fellow cycler). I am sure you can see where this is going. In the space of 1 week I have gained 3 lbs (insert shocked face emoticon here). If this continues I will be a big fatty in no time at all.
I need to re-think diet again, maybe less bread? On the upside, I am never hungry!
Monday 14 November 2011
Day 4 of down regulation
Still getting my husband to inject not ready to do it myself! In a way, I rather like how he is involved with it. It does seem to hurt less- maybe it's because I can't see it go in. I am just not able to do it to myself. My heart goes out to diabetics who have to do it every day for their whole lives. Nuff respec'.
So far I have no symptoms, slightly worried it's not working. The drug (Buserelin) is supposed to be kept under 25 degrees C (no, I don't know what that is in degrees F, it's slightly above room temperature OK), and I realised this morning that I was keeping the box of meds scarily close to the radiator. We had the radiators switched off until recently but this cold weather has meant having them on. The meds weren't ON the radiator, but I'd say they were about 50cm away. I am hoping that they didn't go above 25 degrees C- my husband assured me it would be OK. They are in a box, in another box and he said that room temperature is 22 degrees C so it's all probably fine. I hope so! I have moved them now to a cooler part of the room. It's not supposed to be in the fridge like my other meds.
In other news, I am eating really healthily. I am healthy anyway, but thought it can't hurt to eat even better. Someone on Fertility Friends told me that got rather bloated during one of her cycles, the clinic scanned her to see why and saw that she was... how shall I put this... rather backed up. She had no idea as her toilet habits hadn't changed. I have bought some dates to make sure that this doesn't happen to me! I drink loads of water anyway as I love it- 2 litres a day so will just maintain that. Have been making an effort to eat more protein- on Babycentre (another forum I use a lot -very supportive ladies and regularly updated posts) many ladies have posted that they been told by their clinics to drink a litre of milk everyday for their egg quality. Not a big milk fan, but have been eating daily yoghurts and have increased my egg intake 3 fold. Have also bought some protein powder and have been adding it to hot chocolate in the evenings. If I wasn't veggie I wouldn't worry, but I have wanted to make sure- there's so much more protein in a meat eater's diet than a vegetarian one. I am also eating pumpkin seeds for iron and omega 3. On top of this I am having my prenatal vitamin and taking Royal Jelly (not sure about this one, but loads of ladies recommend this for egg quality).
None of the above may make any difference, but it's not going to hurt.
So far I have no symptoms, slightly worried it's not working. The drug (Buserelin) is supposed to be kept under 25 degrees C (no, I don't know what that is in degrees F, it's slightly above room temperature OK), and I realised this morning that I was keeping the box of meds scarily close to the radiator. We had the radiators switched off until recently but this cold weather has meant having them on. The meds weren't ON the radiator, but I'd say they were about 50cm away. I am hoping that they didn't go above 25 degrees C- my husband assured me it would be OK. They are in a box, in another box and he said that room temperature is 22 degrees C so it's all probably fine. I hope so! I have moved them now to a cooler part of the room. It's not supposed to be in the fridge like my other meds.
In other news, I am eating really healthily. I am healthy anyway, but thought it can't hurt to eat even better. Someone on Fertility Friends told me that got rather bloated during one of her cycles, the clinic scanned her to see why and saw that she was... how shall I put this... rather backed up. She had no idea as her toilet habits hadn't changed. I have bought some dates to make sure that this doesn't happen to me! I drink loads of water anyway as I love it- 2 litres a day so will just maintain that. Have been making an effort to eat more protein- on Babycentre (another forum I use a lot -very supportive ladies and regularly updated posts) many ladies have posted that they been told by their clinics to drink a litre of milk everyday for their egg quality. Not a big milk fan, but have been eating daily yoghurts and have increased my egg intake 3 fold. Have also bought some protein powder and have been adding it to hot chocolate in the evenings. If I wasn't veggie I wouldn't worry, but I have wanted to make sure- there's so much more protein in a meat eater's diet than a vegetarian one. I am also eating pumpkin seeds for iron and omega 3. On top of this I am having my prenatal vitamin and taking Royal Jelly (not sure about this one, but loads of ladies recommend this for egg quality).
None of the above may make any difference, but it's not going to hurt.
Friday 11 November 2011
I am a wimp
First day of down regulation today. I want to have a baby and yet I am willingly forcing my body into a false menopause. Let's hope that the end justifies the means.
I have to take it at the same time every day, so thought it best to do it in the morning. I have a life and often am out in the evenings- don't much fancy lugging around a glass vial and syringe or injecting myself in someone's toilet. I am not a heroin addict.
I put it off by making tea and showering, brushing my hair, putting on underwear and laying out my clothes. With my back to my husband (so he couldn't see how glamorous I looked) I sat on the edge of the bed in my bra and knickers and drew the drug from the vial into the syringe. I grabbed a lovely roll of flab (seem to have a little more of that since I started eating more protein, mainly egg and cheese as I am veggie) and went to push the tiny, thin needle in. Before I even inserted I jumped up and shrieked. My husband looked up in alarm, "Did it hurt?".
"I didn't even get it in. It feels wrong to be stabbing myself with needles."
"Do you want me to do it."
"No thanks, I really should do it myself."
"OK then."
(10 second pause) "eeeek"
"Did you do it?"
"No"
And so it continued another couple of times. I was so pathetic and girlie. In the end I let him to it. I warned him that it was to be done in my flab. It didn't hurt much but it did sting.
So there you go, finally started my cycle. I have learnt that I am a big scaredy cat, my husband has seen a roll of flab on my body.
I have to take it at the same time every day, so thought it best to do it in the morning. I have a life and often am out in the evenings- don't much fancy lugging around a glass vial and syringe or injecting myself in someone's toilet. I am not a heroin addict.
I put it off by making tea and showering, brushing my hair, putting on underwear and laying out my clothes. With my back to my husband (so he couldn't see how glamorous I looked) I sat on the edge of the bed in my bra and knickers and drew the drug from the vial into the syringe. I grabbed a lovely roll of flab (seem to have a little more of that since I started eating more protein, mainly egg and cheese as I am veggie) and went to push the tiny, thin needle in. Before I even inserted I jumped up and shrieked. My husband looked up in alarm, "Did it hurt?".
"I didn't even get it in. It feels wrong to be stabbing myself with needles."
"Do you want me to do it."
"No thanks, I really should do it myself."
"OK then."
(10 second pause) "eeeek"
"Did you do it?"
"No"
And so it continued another couple of times. I was so pathetic and girlie. In the end I let him to it. I warned him that it was to be done in my flab. It didn't hurt much but it did sting.
So there you go, finally started my cycle. I have learnt that I am a big scaredy cat, my husband has seen a roll of flab on my body.
Thursday 10 November 2011
Really worried about egg collection
I am a month away from EC and don't even start DR injections till tomorrow, but I am really bricking it about egg collection.
The Assisted Conception Unit (ACU) I go to do EC under sedation but not under general anesthetic. I recently joined the Fertility Friends website (one of my usual forums- Ectopic Trust's boards have been turned off for maintenance for over a week, I am missing my cycle buddies) and noticed a very long post about egg collection. They were discussing whether to have general anesthetic or sedation.
I wish I hadn't read it. Loads of the women said that they wished they had gone for general anesthetic because, despite the fact that they were sedated, they could feel the needle going into their ovaries and it was, as you can imagine, excrutiating. Some said that they went with their husbands who were watching throughout. They said they don't remember feeling anything but their husbands say they flinched throughout the procedure and/or cried out with pain at times.
My ACU don't give you a choice, it has to be sedation. It sounds horrific. I wish I hadn't heard that. Sounds horrid and I hate to think of my husband watching me in pain.
The Assisted Conception Unit (ACU) I go to do EC under sedation but not under general anesthetic. I recently joined the Fertility Friends website (one of my usual forums- Ectopic Trust's boards have been turned off for maintenance for over a week, I am missing my cycle buddies) and noticed a very long post about egg collection. They were discussing whether to have general anesthetic or sedation.
I wish I hadn't read it. Loads of the women said that they wished they had gone for general anesthetic because, despite the fact that they were sedated, they could feel the needle going into their ovaries and it was, as you can imagine, excrutiating. Some said that they went with their husbands who were watching throughout. They said they don't remember feeling anything but their husbands say they flinched throughout the procedure and/or cried out with pain at times.
My ACU don't give you a choice, it has to be sedation. It sounds horrific. I wish I hadn't heard that. Sounds horrid and I hate to think of my husband watching me in pain.
Wednesday 2 November 2011
The world's longest protocol
Nurses appointment today. We were asked to sign some consent forms "do you mind if we use any unfertilised eggs for research purposes," hhhm, OK. "If you die, can we use your embryos for research purposes?" If I do what now?!? They really do plan for every eventuality. Hopefully I won't croak it after EC but before ET for that to happen.
I was also shown how to inject, I say this, I was actually only shown how to draw the medication into the syringe. She told me where to inject but didn't make me do it, "Just grab a lump of fat and plunge the needle in". Nice. Also, what if I do it wrong?!?
I got told a list of side effects that I may encounter as my body is forced into a false menopause, "You may feel nauseous, you may feel very cold or very hot, you may experience cramps in your abdomen." Lovely.
It was at this meeting when I realised I would be down regulating for a lot longer than I thought. I thought it would be 14 days but in actual fact it will be 21 days (not ignoring the fact that I still have 10 days of taking the pill left) so embyro transfer will happen around the 19th Dec which means I will have my 2ww over Christmas. I had hoped to have my test day on 21st Dec, that way if it didn't work I would have been miserable but at least could have a drink (or 30) over the festive period. Now I will not be drinking, wondering if it worked and will have my husband's very nosy family wondering why I am not drinking. They will notice and they will jump to conclusions. I only hope that they turn out to be correct.
I was also shown how to inject, I say this, I was actually only shown how to draw the medication into the syringe. She told me where to inject but didn't make me do it, "Just grab a lump of fat and plunge the needle in". Nice. Also, what if I do it wrong?!?
I got told a list of side effects that I may encounter as my body is forced into a false menopause, "You may feel nauseous, you may feel very cold or very hot, you may experience cramps in your abdomen." Lovely.
It was at this meeting when I realised I would be down regulating for a lot longer than I thought. I thought it would be 14 days but in actual fact it will be 21 days (not ignoring the fact that I still have 10 days of taking the pill left) so embyro transfer will happen around the 19th Dec which means I will have my 2ww over Christmas. I had hoped to have my test day on 21st Dec, that way if it didn't work I would have been miserable but at least could have a drink (or 30) over the festive period. Now I will not be drinking, wondering if it worked and will have my husband's very nosy family wondering why I am not drinking. They will notice and they will jump to conclusions. I only hope that they turn out to be correct.
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