What a week it has been for me!
Monday- I went to IVF clinic who told me that I needed more investigative work done (even though the consultant at the previous hospital told me that he had done it all), that there was no funding and that the fertility dept at the hospital was in jeapordy. I asked if I could be transferred to another clinic to be told I had to do it through my GP. What a waste of time that all was! So I have an appointment tomorrow at the GP's and we'll see what she says.
Friday- Helping my sister in law (SIL) with wedding prep. Several times during the day people made comments to her about "when" SIL and BIL have children- each time it made my stomach churn. A reminder that for most people, having children happens quickly. My mother in law (MIL) was at it too- she said, "make sure that you keep that top tier of the wedding cake for my next grandchild. She is probably right, her next grandchild will come from my SIL and not from me and OH. And the one after that too I don't doubt. It really made me feel sick. The comment was not meant to hurt me (even though MIL knows I had an ectopic pregnancy last year) but it really did.
I forget now why the title of this post is "mixed emotions".... ah yes,
Saturday- Was a bridesmaid for SIL. Felt amazing, we were wearing the most beautiful dresses, had our hair and make up done and I felt like a movie star. My OH kept on saying how amazing I looked and a great time was had by all (oh yeah, the bride and groom looked amazing by the way he he he he). Got me looking forward to my own wedding in September. My SIL will be bridesmaid for me then- we are not ordering dresses until 6 weeks before the wedding (I decided to do this in case she is pregnant- I bet she will be). I will try so so hard to be happy for her, but I know I will feel sick and jealous.
I hate my body. It may look healthy, but something is wrong. I curse my own bad luck.
I hate the whole chat about having children when you or someone you know is getting married - it freaks me out! Glad you enjoyed the wedding, and good luck with planning yours.
ReplyDeleteReally glad you had a good time at the wedding, and that it made you look forward to your own.
ReplyDeleteWhat I don't understand is why people just assume everyone will have children as soon as they marry. Especially these days, lots of people who want children have them, regardless of whether they are married or not. Why does a wedding ring mean that it's time to get going? Sadly though, it does seem to be the case.
The situation with your clinic sounds awful. Did they mention what exactly what tests you still need to have done? Can you get it done privately if the NHS is dragging its heels? Although private treatment is pricey (to say the least) perhaps one or two tests will be manageable. Of course you have your wedding to pay for at the moment, but maybe after?