I gotta get through this

Well, what a week it's been. Or rather hasn't. Had started to feel very positive about this pregnancy. The spotting stopped and I decided to think positively as I thought that thinking negatively would not make me feel any better should this not be a viable pregnancy. I watched "One Born Every Minute" last week. Normally I can't bear to watch as it makes me cry (mainly out of worry that it will never happen for me). I have been looking on the internet for thifty ways to furnish a baby's room. I looked around to see why freebies I can get. One thing I couldn't bring myself to do was to look up knitting patterns for babies, that really would feel too real.

I have told a few people- my two closest friends, my manager and a colleague- they knew I had IVF and were very supportive. I told them the result and said I didn't want to be congratulated until the scan.

My scan is on Monday and I can think of little else. I feel like I am in limbo, it's almost as bad as 2ww.

Yesterday afternoon, whilst at work, I went to the loo and saw what I had been dreading. A tiny amount of blood in my knickers. I stared at it in disbelief. Surely not again. I wiped and there was more of that horrid pinky/brown cm. After a couple of wipes it had gone. I went back to my desk and was about to ask my manager if I could go home early when the phone rang. It was a student (I work at a university) who had just received an email from me and didn't like the information I had given her. I was dying to get off the phone and go home but the stupid belligerent woman argued with me for 30 sodding minutes. I was ruining her career apparently - it's my fault she doesn't get good marks in her exams (I am an administrator by the way and have nothing to do with her studies). It was a conversation that just goes in circles and she just wouldn't shut up. In the end I got rid of her by telling her that she should email an official complaint and it will get passed on. I went home about 20 minutes early, after I had simmered down. I was in a terrible mood and nearly knocked a few dawdling tourists out for having the temerity to stroll down the street at a casual pace, thus blocking my urgent march to the train station.

I didn't go to work today, I wanted to rest. If it came back, I wouldn't want to be at work. I wouldn't be able to concentrate anyway- I would be going to the loo every 10 minutes. So I have been at home all day today. No more sign of the spotting, but that could mean anything. I have to sit tight until Monday. If I can.