13 weeks, scan, relief and disbelief

Hi bloggers. Sorry I haven't been posting much, as I mentioned previously, I have started to feel a bit superstitious about my blog.

We had our nuchal scan on Monday and all looked perfect. We saw the baby's brain (can't take after my side of the family as it has one... ho ho, chortle, chortle), arms, legs, spine and heard the heartbeat for the first time. We were delighted and relieved but I didn't cry.

We spent that evening calling and telling people, some of them sounded more excited than us. In fact, that worried me a bit. Why are people more excited than me? It felt wrong telling people, like I am some sort of fraudster/imposter and I am not really pregnant at all. I don't feel much different, apart from extreme tiredness and occasional mild nausea, though I look pregnant (many friends said they knew before I told them as I look pregnant- must be bloat).

I know many people cry when they see their baby on the screen or hear the heartbeat- I didn't. Am I made of stone?

I wonder if, one some level, I am protecting myself. Due to the time taken to get here, I think I still don't believe it will happen. I can't imagine giving birth, I can't imagine breastfeeding, hell, I can't imagine having a real bump or being kicked by the baby.

I am not giving myself a hard time, but I surprised myself with my reaction.