Interesting...

Well, as usually happens when I announce on here that my AF is due, she arrived yesterday (a bit) then in full force today.

This is the strange part, I do not feel like I normally do (emotionally that is, physically worse than ever, but I shall gloss over that for now). Usually, when the witch arrives, I feel an emotion that has no name. It is made up of many feelings, disappointment, sadness, dispair, depression, the belief that I will never ever be a mum etc etc. I usually walk around on the verge of tears all day. Yesterday I felt a bit down at first, then, it slowly dawned on me that for some reason, this month I do not feel like jumping off the nearest bridge, crying endlessly or telling every living soul to do one. Honestly. No sadness. In fact I was relieved she didn't arrive later (thus ruining my relaxing holiday in the woods).


I don't know why, or what my thought process is, but I genuinely feel "normal". I feel like I used to, before TTC. I wish I did know why, if I did, I would bottle it and use it again! That's the worst thing about the TTC business, every cycle that fails, so many thoughts and emotions crowd my mind making me feel like a freak. I have said so often to my other half, "I can't just press a switch and make these feelings go away. I wish I could."

This month I have. I don't know how I have pressed the switch, but I am not complaining!